My Story #1 (to be continued as it progresses)
Submitted by Aya_of_the_Moon on Mon, 05/04/2009 - 23:44.
I am twelve years old....and I have turned myself into a living, breathing, anorexic, suicidal HELL. I don't even know where I should be starting with this. Everything has become such a nightmare. Even when I dream, I look down and see a monster truck tire where a concave stomach should be. Right now I should weigh somewhere around 85lbs. Instead, I probably weigh 105lbs. I am 5'6'' tall. My lowest weight was (and will soon be lower, once I stop this spontaneous binging and stop eating all together: that is my life goal) 93.4lbs; this was in February or March this year. My highest was (and will be once I die and retain water fluid: then and ONLY then) 127lbs; mabey higher, and it was for about six months in 2008 when I was at least two inches shorter.
The only reason why I don't weigh at least 20lbs less (and I WILL lose those 20lbs) is because my mom, and my counselor, and my nutritionist, and everyone else, has been forcing me to eat. The only thing is, I have been struggling with binge-and-no-starve-eating, and it is killing me here. I have already started writing my will; either I'll die from this or suicide (even though initially, intentional starvation and suicide by blade or bullet(haven't decided yet) are the same thing).
I need to keep starving. I'm so ashamed of my fat. There is AT THE VERY LEAST and inch of fat where none should be on every surface imaginable on my body. I cannot even remotely describe the pain that I feel every single second of 24\7, 365, as I watch myself binge on anything and everything: from cookie-dough to veggies. I WANT TO STOP EATING WITH ALL MY HEART!! I want to stop all flow of solid nutrition to my body. In other words, from tomorrow (today is another wasted day; I've eaten WAY to much) on, I'll be getting my nutrition from liquids such as water (well, duh), skim milk, V8 veggie juice whatever-you-feel-like-calling-it, ect. And I won't let myself consume anything that is not origionally (spelled wrong, don't rub it in) liquid, like smoothies, milk-shakes, and such.
OK, now that I have ranted quite enough, I'll start on my story of how I became anorexic. But, since it is a lengthly one, I will write it as another story-post-thingy, so that no one will experience dizziness of any sort (and so that I don't accidentally delete it, as often randomly happens to most everything of significance I write and intend to post on the Internet).
Well, until my story, then.
Feeling Your Pain
I became anorexic around age 14, and all I could think about was how ugly and unattractive my body was, and how unworthy I was of anyone's love. I just never felt like there was anything special about me. Don't fall into that same pit I fell into. It's obvious how much your mom and loved ones care about you and want you to be free from these horrible feelings. Let them help you, and let them know what's going on inside. That's the only way to beat this thing!
I'm 37 now, and my experience with anorexia took me to hell and back. God gave me another chance at life, though, and I want to help others like you who are going through what I went through. I hope that this helps you in some way.
I don't know what your specific situation is. I just want to share with you what I've learned and that is, you can't go wrong by just being yourself and doing what comes naturally. It may mean you're not in the most popular group, or liked by everyone, but that's okay - we need all the colors in that big Crayola crayon box to make life interesting! Now you go out there and live your life to the fullest - do something every day that you love and that will make someone else happy. I'm not saying it will be easy, but you can beat this thing!
wow
lik i am 12 chick! and i am 106lbs! u r sooooo not fat! lik from reading this,u make me want 2 cry because that is so sad! hun,God made u the way u r!:) he loves u sooo much and u r DEFINETLY not fat!:) u should eat and EXERCISE:) that is the key!EXERCISE:) but u can eat whatever u want..but just dont eat alot of junk food:) and if ur feeling lik u want 2 kill urself and u feel fat,why dont u tell ur parents how u feel. but lik i know sumtimes parents dont understand and mayb they dont understand u,but find sumone 2 help u:) please do not kill urself! its the worse thing u can do! u will go straight 2 hell and thats the LAST place u will EVER want 2 go! its HORRIBLE in there! so remember,God LOVES u soo much that he DIED for YOU!!:)I truly hope u make it thru all this!:)
God Bless:),Sarah
Your story...
I'm so glad you wrote this...reading it really moved me....I'd love for you to write me back so we can have a conversation....I think too many others are blind to the reality and over simplify with trying to make you eat....they aren't seeing the more important and bigger picture.....you have many valid points and they deserve to be heard. Thanks. =)
have been ana/mia for 3 or
have been ana/mia for 3 or so years and i no exactly how u feel but ur 12 u shldnt be worrying bout these things . i dnt regret these my last 3 years becuase they made me who i am now but i would want to enjoy eating with my friends and go out with them without worrying bout food. its not worth wasting ur time over especialy at ur age. ur probs thinking fuk off none of ur buisness ur tlking crap but it will destroy so many things and its horrible to hear some1 of 12 worrying about being fat when at 5.6 u r SO NOT when they shouldnt be worying enjoy life get out while u can its not fun and wont make u happy x